Lockout

Plot:  A man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. is offered his freedom if he can rescue the president's daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.

Directors:

James Mather, Stephen St. Leger

Writers:

Stephen St. Leger (screenplay), James Mather (screenplay), 2 more credits »

Stars:

Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace, Peter Stormare

I simply cannot believe someone put $20 million behind this script.  Ready for this?

SPACE JAIL!

YES!  I'm not joking!  A jail in OUTERSPACE!

This guy gets it.

You gotta totally unplug your brain and just commit to the fantasy.  If you like stuff like Crank or Crank: High Voltage or pretty much anything else that is just so incredibly unbelievable that your suspension of disbelief requires high tensile steel bridge cables to help support it...you can consider this.

The best part is that, in addition to being a space jail, it is over run by the inmates!  When the president's daughter is on board!

OF COURSE!

And she is a smoking hot blonde with a great rack!

I kept waiting for Barney the Dinosaur to show up with a machine gun and kill all the bad guys!

What are the freaking chances I would actually find this?

I wouldn't recommend this for children, women, anyone feeling suicidal, anyone with an IQ over 50 or anyone who has the gift of sight.

1/5 STARS

Congo

Plot:  When an expedition to the African Congo ends in disaster, a new team is assembled to find out what went wrong.

Director:

Frank Marshall

Writers:

Michael Crichton (novel), John Patrick Shanley (screenplay)

Stars:

Laura Linney, Tim Curry, Dylan Walsh

This is one of those movies that simply suffers from bad writing.  The acting is fine and the action is good, but the story is unoriginal and the plot just SUCKS.

The whole idea is that diamond mine is protected by a group of feral gorillas deep in the Congo.  The diamond mine hunters just happen to join up with a zoologist who specializes in gorillas and is trying to return one of his gorillas back to her homeland.

But there is a war going on for some reason, and there are soldiers all over the place, planes are getting blown out of the sky...and here comes Dr. Doolittle and his gorilla.

It's just so deeply stupid that he wouldn't turn around and go home, but instead brave almost certain death just to return his gorilla home.  It takes you out of the movie so quickly that you just stop caring.  When people start getting killed you just think to yourself, "Good.  The deserve it.  Darwin's theory at work."

I kinda like the movie myself, because even though it is stupid, I just really like the characters.  They are colorful and feel real, and everyone outside the main character makes sense.  If they made Laura Linney's character the protagonist and tweaked the story a bit, this could have been a decent movie.  But they didn't... so it ain't.

2/5 STARS

The Faculty

Plot:  Students suspect that their teachers are aliens after bizarre occurances.

Director:

Robert Rodriguez

Writers:

David Wechter (story), Bruce Kimmel (story), 1 more credit »

Stars:

Jordana Brewster, Clea DuVall, Laura Harris

It's essentially a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but with just a much sexier cast.  

Ooh La la!

It does keep your guessing and the suspense is pretty good.  For a horror movie, it's pretty memorable.  The original is always better than the remakes, but unless the original is on Netflix, this is worth the watch for fans of the horror genre. 

4/5 STARS

Resident Evil

Plot:  A special military unit fights a powerful, out-of-control supercomputer and hundreds of scientists who have mutated into flesh-eating creatures after a laboratory accident.

Director:

Paul W.S. Anderson

Writer:

Paul W.S. Anderson

Stars:

Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Ryan McCluskey

It's a mediocre horror film, and unless you are a fan of the videogame series, this really isn't a movie worth investing the time into watching.  You would be better off watching The Cabin in the Woods instead of this.  It has one scene in particular where it carved out some memorability in my mind, but it's mostly a blur of bad acting and zombies.  

Good for horror fans or zombie fans only.

3/5 STARS  

A Fish Called Wanda

Plot:  In London, four very different people team up to commit armed robbery, then try to doublecross each other for the loot.

Directors:

Charles Crichton, John Cleese

Writers:

John Cleese (story), Charles Crichton (story)

Stars:

John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Kline

This is a truly great comedy.  I like Fierce Creatures more, but this really is a good one.  A must see.

5/5 STARS  

The Rum Diary

Plot:  American journalist Paul Kemp takes on a freelance job in Puerto Rico for a local newspaper during the 1960s and struggles to find a balance between island culture and the expatriates who live there.

Director:

Bruce Robinson

Writers:

Bruce Robinson (screenplay), Hunter S. Thompson (novel)

Stars:

Johnny Depp, Giovanni Ribisi, Aaron Eckhart

A no name news reporter get's tangled up in some high level conspiracy stuff and falls in love with a billionare's girlfriend.

Sound interesting?  Good, watch it.

4/5 STARS

Bernie

Plot:  In small-town Texas, the local mortician strikes up a friendship with a wealthy widow, though when he kills her, he goes to great lengths to create the illusion that she's alive.

Director:

Richard Linklater

Writers:

Skip Hollandsworth (based on the article in Texas Monthly by), Richard Linklater (screenplay), 1 more credit »

Stars:

Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey

This movie recreates the real life murder of Marge Nugent, a wealthy widow who was murdered by her much younger boyfriend.  The movie is shot as if it is a reality show of some sort, with interviews and character commentary interspersed throughout the film.  It's an interesting story in real life, but it makes a terribly boring film.  The whole punchline of the film is that Bernie was so well liked around the community that no one really wants to prosecute him for the murder.

It's not a comedy by any means and Jack Black simply isn't a very talented actor.  I wouldn't bother.

1/5 STARS

Hank and Mike

Plot:  Two blue-collar Easter Bunnies get fired and try their hand at an assortment of odd jobs, failing at each. Fighting depression, debt and eventually each other, their lives start to unravel until they realize that without their job they are nothing.

Director:

Matthiew Klinck

Writers:

Paolo Mancini, Thomas Michael

Stars:

Thomas Michael, Paolo Mancini, Chris Klein

This movie is about two REAL EASTER BUNNIES that work for a multinational corporation in charge of all holiday.  One is basically a clone of Billy Bob Thorton's character in Bad Santa and the other one is a unrealistically bashful "nice guy" character.  When they get laid off, now these two REAL EASTER BUNNIES need to find real jobs!  Doesn't that sounds so wacky!  IT IS!

This could have made a very funny skit or short, but instead they decided to make a really shitty movie.  The odd couple-esque idea here isn't bad, but there just isn't a story.  They started with one funny idea and then wrote a truly terrible script with a completely nonsensical ending.

If you smoke weed, perhaps this would somehow be cool to watch, but for anyone with a fully functioning brain should pass.

1/5 STARS 

Blitz

Plot:  A tough cop is dispatched to take down a serial killer who has been targeting police officers.

Director:

Elliott Lester

Writers:

Nathan Parker (screenplay), Ken Bruen (novel)

Stars:

Jason Statham, Paddy Considine, Aidan Gillen |

This isn't your typical Jason Statham movie.  Usually he plays a tough, smart character that is able to outwit his opponents.  In this movie he plays a cop who is mentally eroding on the job, but refuses to quit because he has nothing else to fill his life with.  When a violent killer starts targeting policemen, he finds himself at odds with his boss and the entire force.

It's not a memorable movie and I wouldn't recommend it for most.  If you are a big Statham fan or a crime drama fan, you could do worse.

2/5 STARS

Margin Call

Plot:  Follows the key people at an investment bank, over a 24-hour period, during the early stages of the financial crisis.

Director:

J.C. Chandor

Writer:

J.C. Chandor

Stars:

Zachary Quinto, Stanley Tucci, Kevin Spacey

It's rare that this happens, but I actually got tired and just went to bed.  I didn't make it to the end.  Based on the wikipedia entry's plot synopsis, I'm glad I didn't.  The cast is great, the acting is great and the story is interesting because it's based on real events, but I just found this movie to be insanely boring.  I work in the business world and it's not that the terminology was over my head or this situation wasn't one of the biggest deals on wall street in recent memory, it's just...who give's a shit?    A bunch of very greedy bankers screwed themselves and everyone else, then got away with it scot free.  Ok, now can I watch something that is actually entertaining?

If you wonder what happened during the 2008 financial meltdown on wall street, this really is a decent way to go about seeing what happened.  Just imagine this movie, but at every single major bank in the entire country.  But for the average person who really wants to hear a story, have a few laughs and be entertained, I cannot recommend it.  But it is relatively accurate in it's story telling and it's character portrayals.  These actors nailed wall street banker perfectly.

3/5 STARS

The Warrior's Way

Plot:  A warrior-assassin is forced to hide in a small town in the American Badlands after refusing a mission.

Director:

Sngmoo Lee

Writer:

Sngmoo Lee

Stars:

Dong-gun Jang, Kate Bosworth, Geoffrey Rush

This movie poster is a little more dark and grim that the actual movie. Here would be a more accurate movie poster:

I'm not kidding.  The greatwest sword's man from the orient cannot bring himself to kill the last member of the clan that has opposed his own for over 1,000 years...because it is a baby.  He adopts the baby, escapes his own clan and relocates to the American Mid West.

It reminds me of Sukiyaki Western Django, but it's not nearly as violent and frantic.  There is one battle scene where things get rather gory, but otherwise it borders on being a comedy/drama.  It's a surreal movie, and the scenery and characters are used to create this sense of an unearthly environment.  There are actually a number of faces you would know in this movie and the films squeezes as much talent as they can out of each of the actors.  Kate Bosworth is in it (she plays opposite the hero (Jang)) and pretty much is the life force of the entire movie.  The movie is actually much less about the wandering warrior and much more about a girl trying to get revenge.

But I guess it doesn't make a very cool poster to have the girl in the middle, so they put the guy that looks most like a hero in the middle.  The movie flopped in the box office, but oh well, too late to fix things now.

I struggle to figure who to recommend this to.  It's a western-samuari mashup with wacky characters and rape threats.  If that appeals to you...go for it.

2/5 STARS

The Woman in Red

Plot:  On his way to work, Teddy spots Charlotte - an incredibly beautiful Woman in Red. He really wants to meet her - but what would his wife say?

Director:

Gene Wilder

Writers:

Jean-Loup Dabadie (screenplay), Yves Robert (screenplay), 1 more credit »

Stars:

Gene Wilder, Kelly LeBrock, Charles Grodin

Average Joe catches a beautiful woman (LeBrock) playing in an air vent while wearing a red dress.  Overcome with lust, becomes obsessed with trying to get her attention and earn a chance at a night of passion.  His goofball friends, terrible wife, kids, job and everything else in his life are a constant distraction and disturbance in his pursuit of her attention.  

It's a mediocre comedy, but anyone that loves Gene Wilder will like this.  The fact that LeBrock plays the hottie (and strips totally naked) in this comedy is just a bonus.  

3/5 STARS 

Coming to America

Plot:  An African prince goes to Queens, New York City to find a wife whom he can respect for her intelligence and will.

Director:

John Landis

Writers:

Eddie Murphy (story), David Sheffield (screenplay), 1 more credit »

Stars:

Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, James Earl Jones

Another classic Eddie Murphy comedy, it's actually a movie that the entire family can watch if you are able to plan ahead and slip around the brief nudity at the very beginning of the movie.  Extremely funny and full of heart, it's a terrific all around movie.  Highly recommended, along with Trading Places.

4/5 STARS

The Hunting Party

Plot:  A young journalist, a seasoned cameraman and a discredited war correspondent embark on an unauthorized mission to find the no. 1 war criminal in Bosnia; they find themselves in serious jeopardy when they are mistaken as a CIA hit squad and their target decides to come after them.

Director:

Richard Shepard

Writers:

Richard Shepard, Scott Anderson (article)

Stars:

Richard Gere, Terrence Howard, Jesse Eisenberg

The poster lies.  This is not fast paced, but it certainly is a damn good movie. Gere plays a disgraced wartime reporter who is trying to hunt down a legendarily elusive war criminal that goes by "The Fox."   He enlists a old friend (Howard) and the son of a media mogul (Eisenberg) to try to hunt down the Fox and to cash in on the multi-million dollar reward.

The film claims to be based on a true story, but this is a lie.  

This detail aside, this is, hands down, one of the best movies on Netflix!
Watch it.  Everyone will like this movie.  Everyone.

5/5 STARS  

Trading Places

Plot:  A snobbish investor and a wily street con artist find their positions reversed as part of a bet by two callous millionaires.

Director:

John Landis

Writers:

Timothy Harris, Herschel Weingrod

Stars:

Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, Ralph Bellamy

A classic 80's comedy, one of the one's that made Eddie Murphy the mega star he is today, this is one of the better movies he ever made.  Aside from some brief nudity, this film is entirely inoffensive and it's comedy is clean.  If you don't mind your kids seeing Jamie Lee Curtis' knockers, this is a great comedy for kids that can handle PG-13 level content.  It's a classic comedy all the same, it won't disappoint.

4/5 STARS


 

Boondock Saints

Plot:  Fraternal twins set out to rid Boston of the evil men operating there while being tracked down by an FBI agent.

Director:

Troy Duffy

Writer:

Troy Duffy

Stars:

Willem Dafoe, Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus

Absolute proof that the critics don't know their ass from their elbow when it comes to movies, Boondock Saints is a classic shoot 'em up action movie.  Two deeply Christian Irish boy have God visit them one night and he tells them to start punishing the wicked - Rambo style.  What would it be like if two Boston 'good guys from the neighborhood' suddenly decided to focus on vigilante justice, hunting down mafia members and hitmen?

It's awesome!  There is no other word for it.

Despite the message of the film, it's absolutely brutal violence is what caught film studio and rating critics attention.  Planned to be released shortly after the Columbine Shooting, this received only a limited release and was out of theaters for only a week.  It was a smash hit in international markets and, as with all good things, eventually it found popularity in America.

Since then they have made a bad sequel and hinted toward a triology, but this movie remains one of the cooler movies of my generation.  A must see for anyone who likes actions films and it's a decent enough drama for anyone who can tolerate a little of the ultra-violence.

5/5 STARS   

Drive

Plot:  A mysterious Hollywood stuntman, mechanic and getaway driver lands himself in trouble when he helps out his neighbor.

Director:

Nicolas Winding Refn

Writers:

Hossein Amini (screenplay), James Sallis (book)

Stars:

Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston

This isn't an action movie.  In fact, he does very little driving in the film.  There are two driving scenes, and while they were very well done, they add up to about 10 minutes all together.  The rest of the film is Gosling looking handsome and acting awkward.  It's not a bad film and the plot isn't terrible, but you never get emotionally invested in the characters.  His character is about as interesting as a sack of mud, he battles sterotypical mafia guys to save the girl he likes.  Wow, they really spent a lot of time on creating a truly original work!  It's not a bad drama overall and if you are trying to find something to watch with a girlfriend or wife; this isn't a bad compromise.  But it's nothing anyone will remember five years from now.

3/5 STARS

Leviathan

Plot:  Underwater deep-sea miners encounter a Soviet wreck and bring back a dangerous cargo to their base on the ocean floor with horrifying results. In a story owing a lot to Alien and The Thing, the crew of the mining base must fight to survive against a genetic mutation that hunts them down one by one. Part of a wave of underwater movies including The Abyss and Deep Star Six.

Director:

George P. Cosmatos

Writers:

David Webb Peoples (story), Jeb Stuart (screenplay), 1 more credit »

Stars:

Peter Weller, Richard Crenna, Amanda Pays

This movie reminds me a lot The Thing.  It's derivative of the earlier horror films that have done the "crew trapped in an isolated area tormented by monsters" and isn't overly original in the way it tells it's story.  The ending is rather hokey, but for an 80's horror flick this isn't terrible.

3/5 STARS